Growing up, my parents were quite strict. Can you imagine a time when parents and children could not watch a movie together in the same living room? In this day and age of modern civilization and free speech?
They did enforce this, however. The culture and relationship I had then made me desire to be seen, and that led me to seek out relationships outside of our home.
I had many friends and was involved in several relationships. Some were purposeful, meaningful relationships, and many were life-giving relationships.
Those life-giving relationships were completely on fire! I had just finished middle school, in college, away from home with no parental supervision. Imagine my excitement when I was introduced to partying, complete independence and music. I had a lot of fun, explored, and embarked on some journeys I am not proud of.
Fast forward 14 years later, after I had my son and he was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder; I kept wondering if the shenanigans I did back then, as well as deviating from my parents’ strict upbringing, contributed to his diagnosis. I was overcome with guilt and felt responsible for my son’s developmental delay. To make matters worse, I had no idea what autism was, how to proceed in helping my son, or what treatment options were available. I frequently disagreed with my spouse, and our marriage was strained.
It got to the point where I could not take it anymore and just broke down before God in a corner of my room. I was later led to my Bible and discovered that God knows the plans He has for us. Plans to prosper us and not harm us, plans to give us a hope and a future. Somehow, these words resonated with me, strengthened me to research, and take our autism journey a day at a time. So, if you are like me that once thought I was responsible for my son’s developmental delay, struggled with his diagnosis, or are currently beating yourself up wondering if your past has caught up with you, remember that God has a plan for you.
I’m not sure where all those life-giving friends are, but every time I look at my son, I’m grateful for God’s love. God has repeatedly demonstrated that He has a plan for us and simply wants us to trust and have faith in Him.
“Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”
Jeremiah 17:7-8 NIV
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